1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,888
Okay, Kyra, I think you owe me a thank you
for driving you home from school
2
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:17,350
and an apology for introducing me
as your driver,
3
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,352
Giant Malibu Barbie!
4
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,899
I was embarrassed.
You walked around campus yelling,
5
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,985
"Is Kyra here-a? Is Kyra here-a?"
6
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:31,156
I just wanted to see how you were doin'
now that you're in high school.
7
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:34,159
- It can be a really hard adjustment.
- I'm fine.
8
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,662
You know, and I want to make sure that
you're hangin' out with the right kids.
9
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:38,663
Got it.
10
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:41,249
You know, people that won't
lead you down the wrong path...
11
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:45,962
gangs, drinkin', bettin' on dog fights,
you know, that sort of thing.
12
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,256
And now I know.
13
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:51,593
Or pot.
14
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,847
Do any of the kids at your...
at your school, do they smoke pot?
15
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,935
Nope, not a one. In fact, we were
written up in USA Today.
16
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,482
I'm serious. Do any of your friends?
17
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,485
- Why would you even think that?
- Well, I don't.
18
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,904
It seemed like you had wonderful friends.
19
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,907
Except maybe for that red-haired kid who
was sitting on the bleachers.
20
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:17,035
- Yeah, he looked like a stoner.
- Gary?
21
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:20,413
Yeah. Yeah, that's the one. His eyes,
they looked a little whacked out to me.
22
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,082
He's blind.
23
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,342
Look, if the question is whether I'll buy
you pot, the answer is no.
24
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,722
Okay. You know, what if
someone were to offer you some?
25
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,183
What about peer pressure?
26
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:43,061
Come on, Kyra. Pot is fun.
27
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:47,607
All the cool kids are doin' it.
28
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:51,653
Hey, you wanna take a little
ride on my magic carpet?
29
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,280
- Ooh.
- What is going on?
30
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,451
She's working on her sales pitch.
We need the money.
31
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,706
We were talkin' about high school,
32
00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:07,627
about peer pressure and whether any
of the people she knows have smoked pot.
33
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,963
And she hasn't said yet.
34
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,507
Oh. Well, what about that, Kyra?
35
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,301
What? You want me to start asking people
whether they have or not?
36
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:19,389
Yeah. I think it's important that you know
about the people you spend time with.
37
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,599
Okay. Dad, have you ever smoked pot?
38
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:25,812
What?
39
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,857
Oh, I'm sorry. I believe back then
they called it reefer.
40
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,695
Reefer. Reefer. [laughs]
41
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,822
No. No, of course not.
42
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,074
Don't you wanna know about me, Kyra?
43
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,993
Yeah, Barbra Jean. What are you on?
44
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,461
I have never done drugs...
45
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,382
that weren't prescribed
by a licensed therapist.
46
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,596
Wonderful. Can I go now?
I think I need a drink.
47
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:00,680
Hey.
48
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:03,892
You know, it's true.
49
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,896
If you're honest with your kids,
they'll be honest with you.
50
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,481
Now if you'll excuse me,
51
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,444
I need to go apologize
to a little blind boy.
52
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,702
[theme song playing]
53
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:23,745
[Reba] Hey, hey.
54
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,456
{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
55
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:29,000
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
56
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:33,046
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
57
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,007
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
58
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,760
{\an8}♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
59
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:39,928
♪ With gentle hands ♪
60
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:43,765
{\an8}♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪
61
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:48,811
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
62
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,236
Nope.
63
00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:58,279
Gotta go.
64
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:00,698
{\an8}Hey, there.
65
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,827
{\an8}Guys, when I left, I said
empty the dishwasher.
66
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,830
{\an8}We're checking for poison.
67
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,166
{\an8}Oh, I don't keep my poison
in the refrigerator.
68
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,877
{\an8}No, Mrs. H. You keep it right here.
69
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,838
{\an8}Listen to this. "Dextromono..."
70
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:20,093
{\an8}somethin'-somethin' ser-somethin'.
71
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,430
{\an8}The somethin'-somethin' is why I buy it.
72
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,685
{\an8}It's a chemical compound that has
no relationship to any actual food.
73
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,353
{\an8}Yeah, but it goes great on a bagel.
74
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,816
{\an8}Coach had a nutritionist
talk to the football team,
75
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,901
{\an8}and he explained
that we're allowing all of
76
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:39,070
{\an8}these horrible chemicals into our bodies.
77
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,863
{\an8}All this stuff has to go.
78
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:44,284
{\an8}- What's the problem with the olives?
- I just don't like olives.
79
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,912
{\an8}Okay, put everything back.
80
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,039
You're committing slow suicide, Mom.
81
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,624
I have my reasons, darling.
82
00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:57,255
Hey, guys, can I, uh,
get a second with your mom?
83
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,801
{\an8}Put it all back. And empty the dishwasher.
84
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:05,763
Nice going, Van.
85
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,308
So, what happened?
86
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,437
Well, Kyra asked me if I had, you know,
87
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,940
smoked pot, and I told her I never had.
88
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:19,819
- So what's the problem?
- Well, we both know I used to in college!
89
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:24,282
Shh. That's right. We both know,
and that's all who needs to know.
90
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:27,243
Yeah, but, Reba, I wasn't honest with her.
91
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,163
Brock, there'll come a time
when the kids get a little older
92
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,166
that you can tell them all
about your boneheaded past.
93
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,836
I just don't think the time is now.
94
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:40,506
You know, she gave me this look
like she knew I was lyin'.
95
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,843
Well, if anybody
can recognize that look, it's you.
96
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,138
Okay, sorry.
97
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:51,184
All right, so tell me what you
guys told her about drugs.
98
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:55,521
- Well, basically, that was it.
- Then you really didn't have the talk.
99
00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:58,608
It came at me out of the blue. I panicked.
100
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,860
Okay, now we're gonna
have to talk to her together.
101
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,946
I'll tell her that
I never smoked pot either.
102
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:06,324
Well, that doesn't help me,
does it? You didn't.
103
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,326
I know. That's why I'm thinkin' clearly.
104
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,455
You know, maybe...
Maybe this is a good idea.
105
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,707
Plus, we could tell her
about the people we knew
106
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,251
who smoked a lot of pot
and all the problems they had.
107
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,879
Oh, like that guy Toast!
The one that got busted.
108
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,507
Or you know who's worse? That guy Brain.
109
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,551
He was always high. I wonder
what he's up to now.
110
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,221
He started a software company.
He's a billionaire.
111
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:37,647
[door opens]
112
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,900
- Hey, Mrs. H.
- Hey, guys. Out shoppin'?
113
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,487
Yes. We went to
the Gentle Earth Natural Pantry.
114
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,406
Oh, man. Wish I'd known.
I need some Clorox.
115
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,618
No, Mrs. H. Here's what you need.
116
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,870
Completely organic, no processed sugar,
117
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,498
additive-free strawberry preserves.
118
00:06:55,498 --> 00:07:00,878
And we got nonbleached,
stone-ground sesame crackers to put it on.
119
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,756
- Pure natural flavor.
- Mmm-hmm.
120
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:08,594
Mmm! Mmm! Oh, outstanding!
121
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:16,269
"The World of Marijuana."
"The Pot Culture."
122
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,438
"The Inside Dope on Dope."
123
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,606
Wow, and we thought
your food was a problem.
124
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,945
Mrs. H, are you smoking weed?
125
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:29,991
I'm gettin' ready
for my big talk with Kyra.
126
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,493
And since I never did drugs,
I'm educatin' myself.
127
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:36,622
Oh, if you want to teach her about drugs,
you should watch that movie Scarface.
128
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,542
[imitating Tony Montana]
"Say hello to my little friend."
129
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,043
[imitating machine gun]
130
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,134
Say good-bye to little Reba.
[imitating machine gun]
131
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:56,601
You know what's really cool, Cheyenne,
132
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:59,437
is that one day we'll be able to look
our daughter in the eye,
133
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:02,231
just like your mom can with Kyra,
and say the same thing.
134
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:06,444
"Honey, we never did drugs." That is huge!
135
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:09,030
Yeah, well, it must be,
'cause you keep on yapping about it.
136
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,532
- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
137
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,784
I just don't understand why
we're having a conversation
138
00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:16,662
about what we're gonna tell
our baby daughter when she's, like, 15.
139
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,833
Honey, we're just talking.
What are you getting so angry about?
140
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:24,378
What if she did try it once, Van? I mean,
would that make her a terrible person?
141
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:25,546
What are you...
142
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:30,843
Oh, wow.
143
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,056
- Yeah.
- When?
144
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,684
- At cheerleading camp.
- Oh, that's just great, Cheyenne.
145
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,854
That's great! Did you ever stop and think
146
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,857
that maybe that's why
your pyramid was lopsided?
147
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:59,163
Are you sure you don't want me
to stay for the big talk, Reba?
148
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,625
Kyra knows that I'm an example
of a drug-free life.
149
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,088
Then you really should go.
150
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,382
Okay. But remember,
151
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:13,511
if she says "Mary Jane,"
that's code for marijuana.
152
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:17,557
Okay. And if I say "tangerine,"
153
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,350
that's code for "get out."
154
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:22,937
- Tangerine.
- Oh!
155
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:29,026
Do I seem calm? I seem calm, right?
156
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,319
You seem calm.
157
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,447
You know, it's important
to talk to your kids about this stuff.
158
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:37,243
People think it's so simple.
I mean, like those stupid rubber mats
159
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,037
that they put in the bottom
of urinals that say, "Don't do drugs."
160
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:43,207
I mean, if you're gettin'
your advice from the bottom of a urinal,
161
00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:45,543
hey, maybe drugs
aren't such a bad way to go.
162
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,673
- I'm just gonna tell her the truth, Reba.
- No, you're not.
163
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,801
Remember, this is about
me talking and you nodding.
164
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,554
Look who I ran into.
165
00:09:56,971 --> 00:10:00,182
- I got your message. What's up?
- Just a little rap session.
166
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:03,603
A rap session? Are you sure we're in
the right decade for that?
167
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,604
Come on.
168
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,147
This is not gonna be any big deal,
169
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,232
but your father told me
what you guys talked about,
170
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,859
and we just wanna follow up on that.
171
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,659
I like when all three of you
stare at me like that.
172
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,623
It's comforting.
173
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,962
Kyra, we understand that drugs exist
and that some kids might be doing 'em.
174
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,007
And to those kids it might
seem like harmless fun,
175
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,635
but it can get serious real fast.
176
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,138
See, your dad and I had
this friend who... [laughs]
177
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:41,599
Well, he thought it would be
harmless fun too.
178
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,976
- He wound up in jail.
- Whoa.
179
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,270
Big-time whoa.
180
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,857
Drugs are bad, man.
181
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,404
They're a bad scene.
182
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,993
Anyway, I just want you to know that
you can always come talk to me.
183
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,995
- And you'll be honest?
- Absolutely.
184
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,957
Okay, then. Well, I know
Dad never smoked pot.
185
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,379
- But did you, Mom?
- No. And there were times--
186
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:14,590
I did! I did do it, okay?
Okay, I did it! I smoked pot!
187
00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:18,302
[laughs] Anyhow,
188
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,056
like I said, Kyra, this isn't
gonna be any big deal.
189
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:25,017
You smoked pot?
190
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:29,563
Were you high when you married me?
191
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:35,361
A lot of people ask that.
192
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,698
Barbra Jean, this is not about you.
This is about Kyra.
193
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,200
Oh.
194
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,205
The mistakes we made are our mistakes.
195
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,249
You have your whole life ahead of you.
196
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:54,922
Well, actually, there are a couple of
things that I've been wondering about,
197
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:58,134
and I didn't want to be one of those nerds
who has to read pamphlets.
198
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:02,513
You feel like taking a walk?
199
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,932
Sure. Let's go down
and get some ice cream.
200
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:05,891
[Brock] Yeah.
201
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:08,394
Well, would it be cool
if I just went with Dad?
202
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,106
Oh, sure. That's cool.
203
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,400
Yeah. I'll talk to you guys later.
204
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,484
[Kyra] Okay.
205
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:29,331
Oh, my gosh! I'm married to a pothead!
206
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,086
- Tangerine!
- Oh, gosh!
207
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,391
- Hey, there.
- Hey, Mrs. H, I need your advice.
208
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,769
Just shave right there.
It'll look like two brows.
209
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:01,280
I have this friend,
who you may or may not know,
210
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,866
who may or may not be real.
211
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:10,164
And I found out that
this person has done drugs.
212
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,374
You know? What did Brock do?
213
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,293
Wear a T-shirt that said "I smoked pot"?
214
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,003
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
215
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,381
Mr. H smokes pot?
216
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,302
[laughs] That sure explains
a whole lot. Oh, man.
217
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,555
The oak tree doesn't grow
far from the place
218
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:30,226
where the acorn fell from it
before it started to grow.
219
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,563
Van, are you high right now?
220
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,527
It came up when we were
givin' our talk to Kyra.
221
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,196
- Well, how did she react?
- Well, the wrong way.
222
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,449
Suddenly she wants to do
all her serious talking with Brock.
223
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,117
I bet he has some really good stories.
224
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:49,453
I've got some good stories too!
225
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:54,041
And they don't all start
with, "Dude, check it out."
226
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,588
I mean, just because you never smoked pot
227
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,257
doesn't mean you're not cool.
228
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,760
Hello, my weed-free friend.
229
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:08,847
Or maybe it does.
230
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,434
Van, could you please excuse us?
231
00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:16,730
Reba and I need to discuss something
personal that is not for children's ears.
232
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:21,318
It's about my husband
and his friend, Mary Jane.
233
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,822
You know that's code for pot.
234
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,660
Okay, Mr. Smarty-pants.
You know what tangerine means?
235
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:30,911
Get out.
236
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,213
See? You're not the only one
that gets on my nerves.
237
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,801
And he already knows about Old Smokey.
238
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,513
Well, isn't that fabulous!
239
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,099
Somethin' for the Christmas newsletter.
240
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,314
That makes you think, huh?
If Mr. H hadn't fried his brain,
241
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:01,150
he probably would've
been a real doctor instead of a dentist.
242
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,404
Man, I gotta figure out something to do,
243
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,532
'cause Kyra won't talk to me
because I never smoked pot.
244
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,242
- Lie.
- What?
245
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,329
Yeah, tell her that you said you
never did it, but you actually did.
246
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,582
You could tell her that you did it
at cheerleading camp or something.
247
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:24,131
I can't lie to her about this. Can I?
248
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,925
Well, if it keeps you
in the loop, why not?
249
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,553
Well, if you don't want to lie,
you could smoke pot now.
250
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,515
I'm sure Brock's got a little wacky
"tobacky" stashed in his golf bag.
251
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:37,603
I gotta go.
252
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,366
These are really good
for you, aren't they?
253
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,700
You bet they are.
254
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,328
I can tell, 'cause they're gross.
255
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:01,293
- Hey.
- Everybody hates these crackers.
256
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,170
Really? I like those things.
257
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,799
Oh, you do realize they're stone-ground,
right? Not "stoner-ground."
258
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:10,469
[laughs] About that.
259
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:13,347
This is so weird.
Today I was looking through my diary,
260
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:18,310
and I found some stuff that I wrote
when I was at cheerleading camp.
261
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,311
Look.
262
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,066
"July 10th. Didn't smoke pot.
263
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:27,736
Disappointed in the girls that did."
264
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:31,573
Yeah. See, some of the girls were
smoking, but most us weren't.
265
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,660
And I guess I got confused, and I thought
I was one of the ones that did.
266
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,246
But as you can see, I was
one of the ones that didn't.
267
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,207
Oh! Well, that's weird!
268
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,836
According to my driver's license,
I wasn't born yesterday!
269
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,092
You can't stop lying!
You've got "liarrhea."
270
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,095
You know what you've got?
271
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:56,473
You've got "why are you
such a big 'jerk-arrhea.'"
272
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,352
Why are you flipping out
that I smoked pot one time?
273
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:02,521
Because of Elizabeth, Cheyenne!
274
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,314
Us not doing drugs is the one thing
275
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,359
I was hoping would make up for us
getting pregnant before we were married.
276
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:11,905
"Hey, Mom and Dad, if I'm 16, how come
you've only been married for 15 years?"
277
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:16,160
And we'd say, "The important thing is,
honey, we never smoked pot."
278
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,204
Well, I guess we can't say
that now, can we, puffy?
279
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,206
Well, we could lie.
280
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:22,958
Oh, yeah, that's brilliant, Cheyenne.
281
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,170
If we're gonna lie about that, why don't
we just lie about when we got married?
282
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:27,713
I like it.
283
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,557
Hey, Kyra, you got a minute?
284
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:43,020
There's, uh, something
I need to talk to you about.
285
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,355
Mom, we've had the sex talk four times.
286
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:47,274
Unless something's changed, I get it.
287
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,445
[laughs sarcastically] Funny.
288
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,782
No, the thing is, uh,
289
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:59,119
you know the other night
when I told you that I'd never smoked pot?
290
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,747
Well, that wasn't exactly the whole story.
291
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,168
Uh, the truth is...
292
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:09,171
This isn't exactly
really easy for me to say,
293
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,925
but... I never smoked pot.
294
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,846
I know, Mom. Look, I'd love to talk more,
295
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,307
but I'm meeting a private
plane from Colombia.
296
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:22,476
Kyra,
297
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,813
how many times have you smoked pot?
298
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:26,980
Counting church?
299
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:32,111
- How many times?
- Never. I've never done it.
300
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,114
Me either. We've got
something in common, huh?
301
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:38,659
How many times you been
offered to smoke pot?
302
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:42,037
Twice. [sputtering]
303
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:46,625
I've probably been offered over 200 times.
304
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,626
Two hundred times?
305
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,628
Well, you don't live
with a guy named Toast
306
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,463
without bein' offered the bong a lot.
307
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:57,553
- Dad's nickname was Toast?
- No! No, no, no.
308
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,847
Another guy that lived in the house.
309
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,476
But the point is, even bein' offered
it all those times, I never did it.
310
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,771
So let me ask you this.
Are you plannin' on smokin' pot?
311
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,691
It's not really
the kind of thing you plan.
312
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:14,069
You're right. It's not. [sighs]
313
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,655
That's why you might want
to know what it was like for me
314
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,031
to turn it down all those times.
315
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,742
Or what people said
to try to get me to do it.
316
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,911
Or if I feel like I've
missed out on something.
317
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:26,165
Don't you think what I went through
has value?
318
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:28,876
I never thought of it that way.
319
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,962
Me neither. I just pulled that one
out of my hat. [laughs]
320
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:41,763
Honey, anything I can take from my life
to make your life safer,
321
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,308
that has value to me.
322
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,021
Hey, kiddo, sorry I'm late.
323
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,523
Hi, Reba. So, you wanna
go get that smoothie?
324
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:55,694
Um, actually, Dad, I wanted
to go talk to Mom first.
325
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,196
Can we get a smoothie later?
326
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:03,243
- Yeah, yeah, sure. When you get back.
- Okay. Cool.
327
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,286
- Bye.
- Bye.
328
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,329
Have fun.
329
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,625
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.
330
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,921
So, um, you know that
whole pot smoking thing,
331
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,589
that's all in your past, right?
332
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:18,091
Yes, Barbra Jean. I did it in college.
333
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,968
- Good.
- [sighs]
334
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,305
Then you won't mind givin' me
a little sample, cowboy.
335
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:34,608
And we'll be doin' these
little tests once a month.
336
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,122
[closing theme music playing]